Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
40s are totally the cure
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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