I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
