Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
