Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
