His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
