Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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