1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
