I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
