it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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