dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
