Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
