oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
