u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
