This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
