the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
