i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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