My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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