Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
