omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
