so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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