i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize