I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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