Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
