i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
