note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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