we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
