i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
