wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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