If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
