he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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