halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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