i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
