So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
