Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
