If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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