I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
