I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
