I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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