When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
