so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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