I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
