Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
