Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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