i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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