What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
