my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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