he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You did what with his pubic hair?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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