i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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