If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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