using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
