Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
