Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
