She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
