My room smells like vodka and shame
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
