Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
