We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
