My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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