Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
