fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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