Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
