We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
