have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize