If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
