Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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