I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize