we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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