a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
