Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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