I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
