God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
