We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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