i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
