Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
