Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
